The election of a former KGB operative Vladimir Putin as President of Russia. Boris Yeltsin’s peaceful retirement. The second war in Chechnya. George W. Bush’s dubious electoral victory over Al Gore. War with Iraq. His widow’s wearing all-black for more than a year. “Death is something that happens to other people,” wrote the late great Joseph Brodsky. The death, at 65, of Judith Campbell Exner, the reputed mistress of both Mafioso leader Sam Giancana and President John F. Kennedy. Cecil Rhodes’s last words: “So little done, so much to do.” The sentencing to death, in Bryan, Texas, of Lawrence Russell Brewer, one of the murderers of James Byrd, Jr., of Jasper. His older son’s purchase of a Subaru SUV. Céline Dion’s becoming the recipient of a star on Canada’s Walk of Fame in Toronto, ON. “When a man dies, you see, along with him dies his whole century,” wrote the objectionable Soviet poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko. The words ‘man’ and ‘century’ rhyme in Russian. The terrorist attack on New York’s World Trade Center. William Saroyan’s last words: “Everybody has got to die, but I have always believed an exception would be made in my case. Now what?” War with the Taliban government in Afghanistan. His family’s perpetual regret over their inability to recall his last words. Cotton Mather’s last words: “Is this dying? Is this all? Is this what I feared when I prayed against a hard death? Oh, I can bear this! I can bear this!” Remnants of Hurricane Floyd’s bringing of torrential rains to the eastern seaboard, resulting in rainfall records being broken throughout the Mid-Atlantic and the Northeast and the declaration of the state of emergency in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, and Delaware. James Thurber’s last words: “God bless... God damn.” His three year-old grandaughter’s signing off after a telephone conversation with his widow: “Lotsa love.” John Quincy Adams’s last words: “This is the last of earth! I am content.” The “Love And Hope” Ball at the Fountainebleau Hilton Hotel, at which Barry Gibbs, of The Bee Gees, performs "Night Of Sinatra.” Archimedes’s last words: “Wait ‘till I have finished my problem!” The population of planet Earth reaching 6 billion. His older son’s purchase of an amazingly inexpensive three-story brick house in upstate New York. Yukio Mishima’s last words: “Human life is limited; but I would like to live forever.” The premiere of “Saturday Night Fever” on Broadway, with The Bee Gees donating 100 opening night tickets and 100 invitations to celebrity party after the premiere to MusiCares. Pancho Villa’s last words: “Don't let it end like this.  Tell them I said something.” Van Halen’s announcement that Gary Cherone is no longer the band's lead singer. The great American writer Eudora Welty’s death. His older son’s apparent inability to come to terms with the ineluctable reality of his getting older. Beethoven’s last words: “Friends, applaud, the comedy is over!” East Timor gaining independence. His twenty-year-old granddaughter’s staunch refusal to relocate to the United States, despite the fact of her being legally entitled to the status of a green card-holder, owing to her father’s recently-acquired US citizenship; her superficial claim that “life is more fun in Russia these days than it is in America.” Leonard Bernstein’s last words: “What’s this?” The stock-market roller-coaster. The sensational success of the quasi-lesbian Russian pop-duo Tatu in the West; its participants’ lengthy kiss on “Tonight with Jay Leno,” their wearing of the white T-shirts emblazoned with an extremely crude expression in Russian, meant to register their anti-war stance. Anne Boleyn’s last words: “Oh God, have pity on my soul!” His younger son’s persistent stomach aches, ultimately revealed to be the result of stress. The deaths, in a fairly rapid succession, of three of his old friends, also onetime prominent Soviet scientists in the field of submarine electromagnetism, as well as those of several hundred million of other human beings; trillions upon trillions of unregistered, undocumented, unnoticed deaths among the mosquito, manure-beetle, fish, dog, cat and goat population of the planet Earth. His younger son’s growing vinegariness. The Russian “Kursk” submarine tragedy. His mother’s heartfelt statement: “When am I going to die already? What’s wrong with me?” Rhode Island Senator John Chaffee’s death, at 77. Lenny Bruce’s last words: “Do you know where I can get any shit?” The hostage crisis in Moscow. The death, at 61, of the singer and songwriter Hoyt Axton (“Joy to the World”). Cassanova’s last words: “I have lived as a philosopher and die as a Christian.” Shania Twain’s purchase of a chalet in Switzerland. His older son’s four trips to Russia, four to Africa. His older son’s intermittent drinking. Picasso’s last words: “Drink to me!” His widow’s two trips to Canada and three – to Russia. His younger son’s three trips to Russia, two to Europe. The death, at 71, of Lonnie Donigan, Britain’s first pop superstar. The crash of the American Airlines Flight 587. Chekhov’s last words: “It's been a long time since I've had champagne.” The whole Harry Potter thing. The sale of his house in Boston. Hasim Rahman’s beating of Lennox Lewis. His younger son’s apparent inability to live up to his parents’ expectations of him. Lennox Lewis’s subsequent brutal beating of Hasim Rahman. The discovery of two super-massive black holes, each with the mass of at least a million suns, circling each other in a single butterfly-shaped galaxy. Hart Crane’s last words: “Good-bye, everybody.” The sinking of the oil tanker “Prestige,” 150 miles off the coast of Spain. Georges Danton’s last words: “Show my head to the people. It is worth seeing.” The anthrax scare. Lennox Lewis’s knocking-out of Mike Tyson. Darwin’s last words: “I am not the least afraid to die.” Two – or is it three? -- new James Bond movies. Emily Dickinson’s last words: “…the fog is rising.” Slobodan Milosevic’s standing trial before the UN war crimes tribunal in The Hague. John “The Teflon Don” Gotti’s death, at 61. 56-year-old Scottsman David McCrae’s death of rabies, the first such occurrence in a century in Britain. Theodore Dreiser’s last words: “Shakespeare, I come!” The Enron debacle. His older son’s considering himself an abject failure, during a bout of depression. The “Columbia” shuttle disaster. Isadora Duncan’s last words: “Farewell, my friends. I go to glory!” George Harrison’s death. The great saxophonist Grover Washington’s death. The great punk-rocker Joe Strummer’s death. Dozens of suicide bombings in Israel and in Chechnya. Thomas Alva Edison’s last words: “It's very beautiful over there.” The Euro becoming the legal currency of twelve European countries. Douglas S. Fairbanks’s last words: “Never felt better.” The Bee Gees’ Maurice Gibbs’ death. Archduke Frantz Ferdinand’s last words: “It is nothing. It is nothing.” The AOL-Time Warner merger. The AOL-Time Warner merger dissolution. The ban on fox-hunting in Britain. Genghis Khan’s last words: “Let not my end disarm you, and on no account weep or keen for me, let the enemy be warned of my death.” The whole Eminem thing. The K-Mart bankruptcy. Goethe’s last words: “More light! More light!” The whole human-cloning thing. Theodore Roosevelt’s last words: “Please put out the light.” His being buried in San Francisco – on the other end of the planet from the only city he ever loved in his life – Leningrad, USSR. Lord Byron’s last words: “Good night.” The great Swedish children’s writer Astrid Lindgren’s death. Che Guevara’s last words: “I know you have come to kill me. Shoot, coward. You are only going to kill a man.” Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret’s peaceful death in her sleep. Heine’s last words: “Write… write… pencil... paper!” The great Bristish comedian Spike Milligan’s death. The great Borscht-Belt comedian Milton Berle’s death. The great film comedian Dudley Moore’s death. The great tragic actor Rod Steiger’s death. The great Shakespearean actor Sir Alec Guinness’ death. The ever-virginal Peggy Lee’s death. O’Henry’s last words: “Don't turn down the light. I'm afraid to go home in the dark.” The disappearance of both of those names -- Leningrad and the USSR – from every up-to-date map of the world. Franz Kafka’s last words: “Kill me, or else you are a murderer!” Her majesty Queen “The Queen Mother” Elizabeth’s death, at 101. Karl Marx’s last words: “Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough!” The world’s general propensity for going to hell in a handbasket. His youngest granddaughter’s unaccountable utter lack of interest in unicorns. Nostradamus’s last words: “Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here.”
Peter Abelard’s last words: “I don’t know.”


Everything – and nothing.